Teaching out Boys about Respecting Women! ( Very contriversial this week)

WARNING....... This blog post deals with some VERY controversial/ Personal/ awful topics.

As many of you know I am a Die Hard Baylor Fan, and former student at this Amazing school. I loved my time there, and despite all the negative press I still Love my school! That said when I attended Baylor we were taught day one in orientation how to protect ourselves, our dorm showed us mandatory  videos about date rape and how to avoid situations where that could occur etc... Mind you I went to Baylor in the 90's and I know a lot has changed. But I never felt afraid, or as if no one would take me seriously if something did ever happen "God forbid". I hung out with the Football team, as my good friend "Izzy" was on the Soft ball team so we did spend a great deal of time with other teams. Both boys and girls on and off campus. Granted I went there in a time when it was "NOT Are we going to lose today, but rather How bad will we lose today?" But still I went and am a Proud Baylor Bear!  That said....
With all that is in and around the Media over the last few Years about violence/ rapes on campus's not just Baylor, but Duke, Stanford, University of Tennessee,BYU, Vanderbilt, Penn State, Yale, and Many more these are just a few to scratch the surface, I felt this topic needed to be addressed. I know my opinion especially being a woman is not welcome by a lot of women but as a Mom of boys I would like to get my voice heard. and Propose possible ways to protect boys and girls in the future!

LET ME START BY SAYING....... Domestic violence is NEVER OK!!!! Nor is Rape in any way shape or form EVER acceptable!!! You will never hear me defend a man who has beaten ( physically or mentally) a woman, or forced himself on a woman. I will not Slut shame or say the victim had it coming cause there is NO excuse for Rape. However I will say there are ways to Lower your risk of being put in that position, (which I will address later in this post). On the other hand you will also never see me feel bad for a woman who it is proven has falsely accused a man of violence or rape ( Before  you eye roll me read this post all the way through).

All those disclaimers out of the way let me begin.
I see it in the Media, I've heard the reports, Ive had Friends who WERE in Fact Brutally Assaulted and Raped by men. Personally I have had to Turn in a Close friend to the authorities for being a sex offender. I have also seen 1st hand and witnessed Young girls ( in my many years of Youth Leadership) making horrible FALSE rape accusations against young men which could have devastated those men for Life! Do not say it doesn't happen, don't say no woman would lie about that! I know it does Ive seen it! As a Woman the thought of being pulled off the beaten path while running and brutalized or raped during a run terrifies me, ( as I often run alone). But what Scares me more as a mom is the idea that one day my boys could be the victim of such a false allegation.
 I am a Woman and I have had to face the same issues all women face. I cant stand it when women friends of mine act like because I don't believe 100% the way they do on women's issues I am anti woman, or somehow brainwashed or defective, Like I'm not somehow a Woman! Just for the record I am a woman and was born a woman!   Ive never felt undermined cause I am a woman. Ive never felt passed over for a job based on gender and Ive never felt pressure to use my roll as a woman to get ahead, Or used being a woman as an excuse for anything. Quite the opposite in fact!!!  I grew up and most my friends were Guys, but I was not athletic back then, I was sort of a tom boy in that I liked playing war games, attempting to play sports, and spending time with the guys, but I was very much a girl in that I LOVED doing my hair, makeup and nails, playing with dolls and getting all fancied up in beautiful dresses. Now keep all that in mind when I explain my story. My boys are still young 8 and 3 but I am already grooming them to be respectful young men. Men any woman would be proud to call son. Men that parents would Love to have as a son in Law. But it starts early. Even at 8 and 3. EX. I was out on a 5 mile run with my 8 year old Barrett the other day. Bear was riding his bike cause right now he can only make it 3 miles running with me. He was riding on the inside of the sidewalk and I was running on the outside. I stopped and said "Bear do you know whats wrong here?"  He Looked at me funny and said "Mom what do you mean?" I then Explained That when you are walking on a sidewalk with a woman the man is always to be on the outside. We discussed Opening doors for women, and getting car doors etc... He told me "Mom some girls don't like that, and say its not nice that they can do it themselves." I then explained "some women think when a guy does those things it is the guy trying to say She cant do it or is weak cause she is a girl," but I told him " that's not why you do it" He said yeah mom I know I do it for elderly and women cause I respect them. See we teach our boys its not cause women and older people can't open doors, or need to go first, It is that we do this to show them respect because that's the right thing to do, and they deserve it. So that was one example of what we are working on with our boys. Now we are still too young for other talks but just so you know I will preach abstinence to my boys but I will also let them know the truth about other things in case they choose not to wait.  I will tell them how to use protection, and the facts about what can happen if  you don't wait and aren't careful!
Now on to the controversial part.....
I agree we need to teach Our kids that they are responsible for their own actions.
To BOYS we need to teach them what is and is not consensual sex. I will beg my boys if you do go out drinking just stay away from girls. If she is drinking DON'T sleep with her! Now days it is too easy to make a mistake in the heat of passion, or if alcohol is involved and then regret it the next day. And that's where false allegations come in, I have seen young girls make a bad choice that was infact consensual the time, or both the girl and guy were hammered drunk. Then 3 or 4 days later when their friends are giving them crap about it or the Super cool hot football player is pretending he doesn't know her, cause he got some and is on to bigger and better things she all of a sudden claims it was not consensual. I'm sorry to say it but YES it happens! And in one situation by the time the cops get involved she felt too guilty to say sorry, " I was mad and made it all up, I just couldn't tell the truth." I never want my boys to fall victim of someone who lies and ruins the rest of their life. We must teach our boys to respect women, to know that no matter how she is dressed that is not an excuse to use force to have sex with her. But you cant Shame a boy for having the sexual attraction to a woman dressed provocatively either? God Designed men to have a desire to mate with women and he gave that same desire to Woman about men. ( Don't say it isn't true I know several of you ladies watched Magic mike and/or 50 shades of Gray, which is basically lady porn) It is Natural, it is good without it none of us would be here. But we have to tell our boys to control that urge!To show restraint and to be respectful young men!
TO GIRLS:
I wish when I was a teen I had listened to what I am about to say. Moms of girls raising a girl is a tough job and I give you props but when it comes to these issues we need to look at them realistically. As women we cant teach our girls to use gender equality as a crutch. We cant say girls can do what ever they please, act however they want, dress however they want etc... with no consequences but boys cant! We cant say well boys should know better. NO both Boys and girls should know better!!! We need to teach our girls that yes you can dress how ever you want but know there are consequences. Most boys are nice and sadly dressing that way only causes them to Lust ( whole other topic for a whole other day), not rape a girl. But like it or not there are sickos out there who see short booty shorts and a cami and think Game on, those are the rapists, the pedophiles who I'm sorry have always been out there and no matter what you teach then they are sick! Period!!!
We Must teach out girls to protect themselves and to fight like Hell if they are attacked. But we also need to remind them ( this is the part I wish I had listened to in younger years) If you go out Drinking you are putting yourself in a risky position. Let me state for the Record NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO RAPE, AND NO ALCOHOL DOESN'T GIVE HIM AN EXCUSE! but.......
Just like we teach kids if you go out and use IV drugs you are putting yourself at risk for AIDS, other Diseases and the chance to OD, or if you have Unprotected sex you put yourself at risk of getting pregnant or an STD, or we teach our kids that if you drink and Drive you put yourself at Risk for either Jail time or a car accident. WE Must teach kids and Girls especially If you go out drinking you put yourself at risk of assault or Rape. Hear me out, PLEASE. Even a girl who is a black belt in Karate when Drunk can not always defend herself. Our motor skills are lessened, or judgment is clouded and we cant always fight back should some sicko our your Date try something. I'm not saying drinking is an excuse. I will tell my boys Don't Drink and Drive and do not drink and have Sex, its a risk I don't want them to take. But Girls need to know when they allow themselves to get drunk they are at risk. And should they make a mistake and actually have sex when drunk that was consensual at the time, please don't turn around and lie about it later.
Rape ruins lives and so do false allegations of Rape. WE need to teach boys and girls the difference in Right and wrong and what is Ok and not. We need to teach Boys its ok to wait and its ok to respect women, but we need to teach out girls its ok to respect themselves, & protect themselves too.
I'm Not advocating for or against anyone here just sharing some real facts and real issues I take with this topic. We need to open our eyes to a very real problem and figure out how to address it!
Sorry stepping off soap box now!

Let your kids suprise you

Sometimes in Life you just have to go with the flow! This has never been more apparent to me then recently with one of my sons sports adventures. I will not and can not share all the details of what is going on but Lets just say this year for the 1st time in 5 seasons Ryan and I are SO over coaching!!!!

All that aside after yet another miserable loss 13-0 I might add, our family was frustrated and highly upset! Ryan as a coach and a father was ticked off, I as a parent who grew up losing at everything I tried, & who vowed as an adult not to ever play that roll again was furious, and poor Barrett who felt like both he and his team disappointed us by not listening or doing ANYTHING, they were told was upset.
As we sat in the car on the way home Ryan and I had a talk with Barrett, we explained that we were disappointed, but not in him or his ability to play, and not even at the Loss, but that we were disappointed in the fact that he was taking part in the shenanigans going on both on and off the field. We explained that he as a coaches kid but more importantly as a Child of God had a duty to follow the commandments set forth by God and be the light others need to see. We calmly explained that if he was to listen and just say Yes or do what he was told when Ryan, I or one of the other Coaches  asked him to he would be setting an example. We talked about not doing what everyone else was doing just to fit in, as God calls us to stand out and be different then the world. That it  was his Job to step up and be a leader and lead not by words but by deeds. I have Long Prayed for Barrett to grow into a Godly Wise young man who others look at and see Gods touch on him. Well.........
This week after our talk 2 weekends ago and much Prayer Barrett Stepped up! He surprised both Ryan and myself. Every day he comes home from school, grabs a snack and with out being told takes his medicine, does his homework then at 5pm says mom can we go work on Baseball Drills. We pray every morning and have since he was a baby together but now he leads the prayers. My son Surprised me this week and God surprised me with this unexpected change in my child. Sometimes we need to Go with the flow, Relax and Let God take the wheel and Maybe he will surprise us!

Worry about your Daughter!

I recently have seen alot of posts telling moms of boys how to raise our boys! How to make them respect your daughters etc... You need to hold on just one cotton pickin minute!!!!
Yes it is us MOB's that do need to Train our boys along with their fathers to Respect your daughters, to show our boys how to Love, respect and treat a lady, But lets Emphasis LADY!!!
I have seen so many FB posts about how our boys need to not look at your daughters as sex objects, this is usually attached to some post about why cant girls wear spaghetti strap cami's to school, or posts about who cares about the length of their shorts or skirts, cause it gets really hot in the summer etc.... Stating that it shouldn't distract our boys if we raised them not to objectify your girls???? WHAT?
Lets get something straight! It is distracting to me if I go into the office trying to work, and a woman is leaning over the desk in a low cut top with here boobs there for all to see, or wearing a skirt that leaves nothing to the imagination. NO I am not Bi, but it is very distracting and if I am a woman who is offended or distracted I hate to think how it affects our boys! God created men and boys to be sexually attracted to women, if they weren't we would never grow the worlds population and none of us would be here! That said I am not saying boys have the right to pop your daughters bra straps, or in any way, shape or form inappropriately touch your girls.  What I am saying is girls need to practice modesty and not put it in these boys faces and not expect them to desire more. As a Married woman I can tell you modesty starts at home! If mamma feels its ok to walk around in short booty shorts or with her cleavage hanging out her daughter will probably follow suit. You cant tell your daughter don't act or dress like mommy and expect her to really listen. I have heard moms say "Well I am married so I can wear this and who cares if I show my cleavage it is only for my husband"  ( a good friend used this statement on me when we were discussing this topic. To which I replied " If that's the case then why are other women's husbands and boyfriends staring at you or your body when you are in the store." You may be Married but dressing that way causes other man to lust and that's not what God intended for you or for them. Scripture says in Matthew 5 verse 27- 28, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."and in 1 Corinthians 8:9  "But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." 
WE must ALL take responsibility for ourselves and our kids. I personally don't dress in a provocative manner because I try to show my boys what a woman should dress like, and how she should conduct herself. Which brings me to my next point!
I am not saying Don't  teach your girls to be fierce, strong , independent women, because We need more strong independent women in this world. What I am saying is Cut the Crap! Stop teaching girls it's ok to have a double standard. If a boy wears a boys rule girls drool shirt He is chastised for it and in some schools made to go home and change but girls do it and it is called Girl power and considered empowering.You cant teach boys never hit a girl but if a girl hits a boy it is ok. WRONG! If your daughter is woman enough to hit a boy she better expect to get hit back! Let me just state for the record that Hitting either direction is NEVER OK!!! But I do know someone who was being beaten by a woman at home, and when asked why he never defended himself he said "I was raised never to hit a woman, and I love her" so please understand domestic violence goes both ways! 
I don't write this just as a MOB, I am a woman who use to be a teen girl. I recently found my diary from when I was a teen and OH MY!!!! I forgot how how Crazy little girls can be. If I ever heard a little girl talking to my son the way I talked to my now husband as a teen and preteen I would be having a serious talk with both Her and her parents and their pastor! LOL Seriously though Girls and really Teen Girls can be just as bad as boys, so don't think just cause she is a girl she is an angel.
I promise to Raise my boys to respect women, but lets raise our girls to respect not just Men but themselves too.
Finally I had amazing parents who raised me in Church and I can tell you in that house you had to be on your death bed to miss church, but I was still a teen and I made bad choices sometimes. All kids do! and When they do we need to teach them its ok but we also need to hold them accountable. So rather then Telling each other (as parents) its your kids fault lets teach both kids how to dress, talk and act in the name of God with respect.

More Dirt and being Dirty!

Boys are dirty! if any mom of boys tells you otherwise she is LYING!!!! Not only physically dirty but just gross with what they think about. It is all dirt, bugs, and in general how can they make a mess!

So this week it has been raining, the Boys were SUPPOSE to be watching the DVD's I rented for them in the awesome fort I built to occupy them while I worked Half a day! HA HA HA WRONG!!!!!
I noticed it was eerily quite after about an hour and so I went to check on the boys They were not in their fort, or in my room or anywhere in the house I began to panic, then I hear them in the back yard. They decided to turn on the water hose in the rain and go slip n sliding in the mud! Minus the slip n slide mat, my boys were back there sliding like the MVP sliding into home plate, right threw the mud! They made a huge mud hole in my yard and ruined the grass but Hey they had fun! LOL After I got finished being upset, I laughed, stripped them down ( Yes outside) made them march in to their bathroom and take a nice warm bath. Now I have to nasty bath tub to clean up, and let me tell you Mud doesnt come out of clothing very well, but through all the Dirt and mud were smiles, My boys had fun!
God used that dirt and nasty day to teach me to be patient with my boys, to let them make a mess every now and then, and allow them to enjoy being boys! Even when we are at our dirtiest and messiest in Life God can use us to speak to other!

We need more Mother Son!

OK so this post is a RANT about the high level of Mother Daughter, Father daughter and Father son stuff Leaving us MOB women to say What the Heck....... YOU WERE WARNED!!!! 

So ever since I become a MOB I have noticed A LOT of Father son baseball games, football tournaments, Fishing things etc... Like wise with Mother Daughter Mani/Pedis, Teas etc...
Which I understand!  It is good to nurture those bonds and Teach our Sons to be men and our Daughters to be women. That is good and healthy. But then I start seeing all the Father Daughter events...... These purity balls and Father daughter dances and with the captions or the reasoning behind them is " daddy teaching his daughter how to be treated by a man". REALLY?  Please hear me out it is great to take your daughter on a date and show her how a guy should treat her, and do the whole purity thing. But why are we stressing it so so so much with the girls?  Isn't that telling young women that they are only valued for being pure?  I know because I did this when I was a teen, and guess what when I didn't wait I felt Worthless and suffered from Low self esteem and bouts of depression after! Is that really the message we want to teach young women? It also imply s to these girls that it doesn't matter if a boy waits but they sure as heck better!
Trust me I am going to explain to my boys why they should wait! I will explain from both a biblical standpoint and a human standpoint why I think it is important, but I will let them know that their worth as a Man, a husband and a future father is not tied to that one act. Because lets face it we are all Human and we all sin! Which brings me to my next point.....
We teach our daughters, that daddy will take you on a date to show you how a man should treat you but who is teaching our boys how to be men?  With so many boys growing up today without a father who is Manning up and teaching them??? I am speaking now for all my single moms as I am very fortunate to have a Loving Husband who does stress the importance of treating women with respect to our boys.
You want to stress to girls how to be treated, then America needs to WAKE UP and realize we must teach out boys to to treat those girls. Think about this...... It is easy for daddy to take a daughter on a date and say and show her this is how a boy should act when you are on a date or alone with him! But you cant take a boy on a date with mom and dad ( that's weird) and dad taking his son out and telling him how to treat a woman is fine but there is no practical application there. So How do or should boys learn to take a woman on a date, how should we teach them to treat a young lady?  Please Parents comment below and let me know your thoughts and feelings on this post, this is one time I welcome open discussion in this blog. 

I teach my boys on my own to open doors for women and elderly, their father has told them time and again if mommy gets to a door you better open it for her. But why as a society aren't we focusing more on this side of the coin? Why do these churches, organizations etc.... only cater to the girls. I myself have thought of putting on a mother son dance but have you looked at what it costs to put on an event like these father daughter dances???? OH MY WORD it is outrageous!!!! So then the Question is How do we both tell our boys how to act and treat women and also have practical application without Mother son events?

That Makes no Sence!

So I promised you a funny post today and Last Wednesday produced material for today's funny blog.
ASH WEDNESDAY......
So every year at our church we have a Servants supper prior to the church service for dinner. Well that is where our story begins. If you have never been to a servants supper let me explain, there is soup, bread and deserts but you are not allowed to serve yourself or ask for food. Once the food is blessed everyone asks others what we can do for them and we all serve one another. Naturally the kids get all jazzed up about this and then they get sugar!!!! Cakes, brownies, cookies and all kinds of sweets are there. WOW who ever thought we should give kids sugar before church was a Genius! so then we go into the somber service. Ash service in our Methodist church is very somber and reverent. It is a time to ponder what Christ has given and done for us. So there Dylan is sandwiched between my dad and Bear his gig brother. He is only just 3 and did great threw the opening Hymn. Then Wham... kids energy kicks in, he begins using the hymnals as drums,  and then proceeds to hit his older brother with them. Move number 1 occurs and he is now sitting between My dad and mom . But that's just the beginning then he turns and starts making faces at the elderly couple behind us. By that point my Mom friend across the isle form me is giggling probably cause she has been there and done that! So Dylan gets moved down the row  yet again and is now between me and my mom. At this point I can lean down and try to Talk him down from his sugar hi. This is like trying to talk to that crazy drunk friend in college! There is no reasoning with a sugared up 3 year old. So he starts trying to use the pencils in the pew in front of us as drum sticks. This is it Ive had it the final move!!! He is now sandwiched between DADDY and MOMMY! you think this stops him HA not a chance. He was quite for all of 30 seconds. We are nearing the finish of the service and pastor is explaining the process of getting your ashes and why we do that, and Dylan pipes up loudly and said "Now that makes no Sence" WOW just WOW! I had to bite my lip from laughing. OH Wait it gets better. Then Dylan walks up to receive his Ashes and refuses. No worries we go back to our seat after the rest of us are ashed. As the last group is going Dylan pipes up again looking at my head "Mommy I want one!" so my mom takes him down again and this time he did get his ashes. OH My what a day that was. But in it all the embarrassment, the laughter and the lessons learned I clung to one thing in the bible said " For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness" James 1:3.

The 2nd child is my wild man but he it teaching me humility, patience and how to remain steadfast to my faith and teachings.

A Dream DIES and a New one is Born

I am giving ALL you mommies fair WARNING this post is full of mixed emotions and feelings Moms with ONLY boys feel. I urge you if you are a MOB but you also have a daughter Please don't Judge!!!! I am sure there are several moms out that that this doesn't apply to our you just aren't at that stage yet, but I do have a network of mommies that I talk to who have All boys and we have all stated some/or all of the Feelings about to be discussed have been felt off and on!
YOU ARE WARNED:

So the other day we left off with Finding out your having ANOTHER Boy! YEAHHHHHH Congrats.
Now if you are like me and you started your family later in Life this joyous time can also be the END of a Dream.
For Ryan and I we knew we were done after this 2nd baby. We lost 3 children to miscarriage before we were Blessed with Barrett our 1st son at the age of 30, so naturally we were hesitant to try for a 2nd child. Finally at 34 years old we both decided its now or never. Wouldn't you know it we got pregnant 1st try with this kiddo! Everything was going great, and the pregnancy was AMAZING this go round unlike the1st. Then at the 20 week Ultrasound it was the Big day, Gender reveal!!!!!! 1/2 way through the US the tech said Ok do you want to know the gender????  YES!!! " Congrats its another boy"

Before I continue.......  Imagine if you will your Dream, something you have longed for all your whole life?  Maybe a Family, a husband, the perfect beach wedding, Maybe a certain job or car or something you have worked toward and are/or have aspired to obtain. GOT IT Pictured? Great now imagine through no fault of your own that dream is crushed, killed and you can and will NEVER be able to have that! Congratulations you just felt what I felt at that very moment!
You see I was not sad I was having a baby boy, I was thrilled I love boys!!! But all my life, since I was a little girl playing with my dolls, I dreamed of having a little girl. A daughter to do all that fun mom and daughter stuff with. Mother daughter Tea ( thanks Junior League), mother daughter days filled with shopping and mani/ pedis. Gone. Wiped away forever.
Moms who have one of each or a mix don't get this feeling, but let me assure you if you are a new MOB it's ok for feel sad for the daughter you will never have. I get it and moms with Daughters DON'T and WILL NEVER get it!!!! We feel it every time we see the posts about the father daughter dances, or mother daughter tea parties, or prom time just knowing we will never get to help our daughter learn to wear makeup, or brush her hair, or pick out a prom dress. We wont get to be the mother of the bride, or help her experience being pregnant from a moms point of view, or even be in there when our Daughter gives birth. As a MOB we get it we feel it and that's why I created this blog was to have an open place to share the things that society and our friends wont let us say! Know that its Ok to be sad about those things we have to miss out on but rest assured we have our own fun and memories to make. We get to be Football moms and share some amazing moments with our boys but we get to do so from the sidelines not really being a part of the action. Its a New Dream, a Different Dream but if us MOB mommies unite and create fun things that Teach our Boys how to Grow into Men then we can have a New and Even better Dream. We must 1st learn to embrace what God gave us and understand we were chosen to stand up and stand out as Moms who raise MEN!
I firmly believe God knew what he way doing, though I am still not 100% sure why! Maybe it is so that I can relate to my husband who's dream was stolen from him unfairly? Maybe it is so that I can start a movement among Parents and more over Moms of Boys?  Idk but whatever the reason I am up for the challenge.

Stay tuned the next MOB Mentality blog will be about something funny!