As many of you know I am a Die Hard Baylor Fan, and former student at this Amazing school. I loved my time there, and despite all the negative press I still Love my school! That said when I attended Baylor we were taught day one in orientation how to protect ourselves, our dorm showed us mandatory videos about date rape and how to avoid situations where that could occur etc... Mind you I went to Baylor in the 90's and I know a lot has changed. But I never felt afraid, or as if no one would take me seriously if something did ever happen "God forbid". I hung out with the Football team, as my good friend "Izzy" was on the Soft ball team so we did spend a great deal of time with other teams. Both boys and girls on and off campus. Granted I went there in a time when it was "NOT Are we going to lose today, but rather How bad will we lose today?" But still I went and am a Proud Baylor Bear! That said....
With all that is in and around the Media over the last few Years about violence/ rapes on campus's not just Baylor, but Duke, Stanford, University of Tennessee,BYU, Vanderbilt, Penn State, Yale, and Many more these are just a few to scratch the surface, I felt this topic needed to be addressed. I know my opinion especially being a woman is not welcome by a lot of women but as a Mom of boys I would like to get my voice heard. and Propose possible ways to protect boys and girls in the future!
LET ME START BY SAYING....... Domestic violence is NEVER OK!!!! Nor is Rape in any way shape or form EVER acceptable!!! You will never hear me defend a man who has beaten ( physically or mentally) a woman, or forced himself on a woman. I will not Slut shame or say the victim had it coming cause there is NO excuse for Rape. However I will say there are ways to Lower your risk of being put in that position, (which I will address later in this post). On the other hand you will also never see me feel bad for a woman who it is proven has falsely accused a man of violence or rape ( Before you eye roll me read this post all the way through).
All those disclaimers out of the way let me begin.
I see it in the Media, I've heard the reports, Ive had Friends who WERE in Fact Brutally Assaulted and Raped by men. Personally I have had to Turn in a Close friend to the authorities for being a sex offender. I have also seen 1st hand and witnessed Young girls ( in my many years of Youth Leadership) making horrible FALSE rape accusations against young men which could have devastated those men for Life! Do not say it doesn't happen, don't say no woman would lie about that! I know it does Ive seen it! As a Woman the thought of being pulled off the beaten path while running and brutalized or raped during a run terrifies me, ( as I often run alone). But what Scares me more as a mom is the idea that one day my boys could be the victim of such a false allegation.
I am a Woman and I have had to face the same issues all women face. I cant stand it when women friends of mine act like because I don't believe 100% the way they do on women's issues I am anti woman, or somehow brainwashed or defective, Like I'm not somehow a Woman! Just for the record I am a woman and was born a woman! Ive never felt undermined cause I am a woman. Ive never felt passed over for a job based on gender and Ive never felt pressure to use my roll as a woman to get ahead, Or used being a woman as an excuse for anything. Quite the opposite in fact!!! I grew up and most my friends were Guys, but I was not athletic back then, I was sort of a tom boy in that I liked playing war games, attempting to play sports, and spending time with the guys, but I was very much a girl in that I LOVED doing my hair, makeup and nails, playing with dolls and getting all fancied up in beautiful dresses. Now keep all that in mind when I explain my story. My boys are still young 8 and 3 but I am already grooming them to be respectful young men. Men any woman would be proud to call son. Men that parents would Love to have as a son in Law. But it starts early. Even at 8 and 3. EX. I was out on a 5 mile run with my 8 year old Barrett the other day. Bear was riding his bike cause right now he can only make it 3 miles running with me. He was riding on the inside of the sidewalk and I was running on the outside. I stopped and said "Bear do you know whats wrong here?" He Looked at me funny and said "Mom what do you mean?" I then Explained That when you are walking on a sidewalk with a woman the man is always to be on the outside. We discussed Opening doors for women, and getting car doors etc... He told me "Mom some girls don't like that, and say its not nice that they can do it themselves." I then explained "some women think when a guy does those things it is the guy trying to say She cant do it or is weak cause she is a girl," but I told him " that's not why you do it" He said yeah mom I know I do it for elderly and women cause I respect them. See we teach our boys its not cause women and older people can't open doors, or need to go first, It is that we do this to show them respect because that's the right thing to do, and they deserve it. So that was one example of what we are working on with our boys. Now we are still too young for other talks but just so you know I will preach abstinence to my boys but I will also let them know the truth about other things in case they choose not to wait. I will tell them how to use protection, and the facts about what can happen if you don't wait and aren't careful!
Now on to the controversial part.....
I agree we need to teach Our kids that they are responsible for their own actions.
To BOYS we need to teach them what is and is not consensual sex. I will beg my boys if you do go out drinking just stay away from girls. If she is drinking DON'T sleep with her! Now days it is too easy to make a mistake in the heat of passion, or if alcohol is involved and then regret it the next day. And that's where false allegations come in, I have seen young girls make a bad choice that was infact consensual the time, or both the girl and guy were hammered drunk. Then 3 or 4 days later when their friends are giving them crap about it or the Super cool hot football player is pretending he doesn't know her, cause he got some and is on to bigger and better things she all of a sudden claims it was not consensual. I'm sorry to say it but YES it happens! And in one situation by the time the cops get involved she felt too guilty to say sorry, " I was mad and made it all up, I just couldn't tell the truth." I never want my boys to fall victim of someone who lies and ruins the rest of their life. We must teach our boys to respect women, to know that no matter how she is dressed that is not an excuse to use force to have sex with her. But you cant Shame a boy for having the sexual attraction to a woman dressed provocatively either? God Designed men to have a desire to mate with women and he gave that same desire to Woman about men. ( Don't say it isn't true I know several of you ladies watched Magic mike and/or 50 shades of Gray, which is basically lady porn) It is Natural, it is good without it none of us would be here. But we have to tell our boys to control that urge!To show restraint and to be respectful young men!
TO GIRLS:
I wish when I was a teen I had listened to what I am about to say. Moms of girls raising a girl is a tough job and I give you props but when it comes to these issues we need to look at them realistically. As women we cant teach our girls to use gender equality as a crutch. We cant say girls can do what ever they please, act however they want, dress however they want etc... with no consequences but boys cant! We cant say well boys should know better. NO both Boys and girls should know better!!! We need to teach our girls that yes you can dress how ever you want but know there are consequences. Most boys are nice and sadly dressing that way only causes them to Lust ( whole other topic for a whole other day), not rape a girl. But like it or not there are sickos out there who see short booty shorts and a cami and think Game on, those are the rapists, the pedophiles who I'm sorry have always been out there and no matter what you teach then they are sick! Period!!!
We Must teach out girls to protect themselves and to fight like Hell if they are attacked. But we also need to remind them ( this is the part I wish I had listened to in younger years) If you go out Drinking you are putting yourself in a risky position. Let me state for the Record NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO RAPE, AND NO ALCOHOL DOESN'T GIVE HIM AN EXCUSE! but.......
Just like we teach kids if you go out and use IV drugs you are putting yourself at risk for AIDS, other Diseases and the chance to OD, or if you have Unprotected sex you put yourself at risk of getting pregnant or an STD, or we teach our kids that if you drink and Drive you put yourself at Risk for either Jail time or a car accident. WE Must teach kids and Girls especially If you go out drinking you put yourself at risk of assault or Rape. Hear me out, PLEASE. Even a girl who is a black belt in Karate when Drunk can not always defend herself. Our motor skills are lessened, or judgment is clouded and we cant always fight back should some sicko our your Date try something. I'm not saying drinking is an excuse. I will tell my boys Don't Drink and Drive and do not drink and have Sex, its a risk I don't want them to take. But Girls need to know when they allow themselves to get drunk they are at risk. And should they make a mistake and actually have sex when drunk that was consensual at the time, please don't turn around and lie about it later.
Rape ruins lives and so do false allegations of Rape. WE need to teach boys and girls the difference in Right and wrong and what is Ok and not. We need to teach Boys its ok to wait and its ok to respect women, but we need to teach out girls its ok to respect themselves, & protect themselves too.
I'm Not advocating for or against anyone here just sharing some real facts and real issues I take with this topic. We need to open our eyes to a very real problem and figure out how to address it!
Sorry stepping off soap box now!
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